Patrick Renard

This morning, I sat quietly in my study, the soft glow of the early sun filtering through the stained glass windows. The church has always been my sanctuary, a place of solace and reflection. Yet, as I looked over the dwindling congregation at Sunday Mass, I couldn’t ignore the growing emptiness. Membership numbers have been falling worldwide, and the Catholic Church's credibility, especially among young people, is in shambles. At 55, I find myself questioning my faith more than ever.

Two years ago, our church here in Antwerp, Belgium, was rocked by a scandal that shook me to my core. A fellow priest was implicated in a sexual abuse case, causing irreparable damage to our reputation. The aftermath was devastating. Fewer people attended Mass, and I received countless letters filled with disappointment and disillusionment. Conversations with parishioners were heavy with betrayal and sadness. This crisis forced me to confront the stark realities of the institution I had devoted my life to.

To be completely honest, my own faith has wavered significantly. Although I have lived a mostly celibate life, I have had moments of weakness. Seventeen years ago, I fathered a child with a former housekeeper. My son recently came out to me as homosexual, a revelation that initially left me shocked and deeply confused. But now, I see this as part of my journey, a challenge to face the realities of life and love without prejudice. I am ready to leave the priesthood, a decision that feels both liberating and sobering. It forces me to reflect on why I chose this path as a young man and to reconsider what it means to live a life of faith and integrity.