Lukasz Kowalczyk

I woke up to the sound of rain tapping against my window. Today was another fight day, and the weather only added to the tension. I’m thirty, a hooligan from Breslau, Poland, and this is my routine. We don’t meet in the stadiums anymore. Instead, we gather in the forest, away from prying eyes and authorities.

The bus ride to the outskirts of the city was quiet. Everyone was lost in their thoughts, mentally preparing for what was to come. The meet-up point was a clearing deep in the woods, where we could be sure no one would interrupt. I felt the familiar rush of adrenaline mixed with a bit of anxiety. Some men puke the first time they see it, others run away and never come back.

The two groups moved towards each other, silently and deliberately. The heaviest guys were at the front, ready to absorb the initial impact. I always run in the second row, "with the technicians." We’re structured, like Roman legions. As we neared the other group, our leader shouted, “Double cover up.” Fists up, elbows in, and then the clash.

The fight was over quickly, as it always is. Thirty seconds, maybe a minute. But in that short time, it’s a level of brutality that’s hard to describe. When it’s done, we help each other up, checking for injuries. There’s a strange respect here, even among enemies.

I’ve had my share of injuries over the years. Hospital trips are routine, and we’ve all got our excuses ready. A therapist once told me my love of violence was a "mental abnormality," but I disagree. I know what’s right and wrong, and what we do isn’t wrong. Not for us. This is our world, with its own rules and honor.

Lately, though, I’ve begun to have doubts. Last week, someone was seriously injured – a guy from the other group. He took a bad hit and went down hard. The word is he might have to sit in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

I can’t shake the image from my mind. I’ve always accepted the risks, the injuries – they’re part of the game. But this, this was too much. It made me wonder, for the first time, if what we do is really worth it. Maybe it’s time to reevaluate, to think about where this path is leading.