Ellaha Ahmadi

Every morning I get up before the sun rises, the soft breathing of my children in the next room gives me strength for the day. The memories of my life in Afghanistan are never far away. At 42, I can still feel the pain and fear that accompanied me for so long.

When I was 13, I was forced to marry a man I couldn't stand from the start. The beatings he inflicted on me were arbitrary and brutal, and he often locked me up when he went to work. The nights were the worst, the constant abuse still robs me of sleep when I think about it.

I became pregnant for the first time at 16 and my daughter became my light in the darkness. One desperate night, I tried to escape, but my brothers found me and brought me back. I survived for the next five years until I was 21 and tried to escape again. For a year, my daughter and I lived in hiding with a friend, constantly afraid of being discovered. When my husband finally found us, his anger was boundless and left deep scars on my body.

But fate was better to me one day. My distant cousin, who had been hired to kill me, took pity on me and took us to another town. There I met a new man who was the opposite of my first husband. We have lived here for many years now and I have become a mother of two more children late in life. My new husband has connections and got me a new passport to make it harder for my abuser to find me. Nevertheless, I still live in fear of being discovered at some point, but I don't want my children to notice.

I want them to have a better life one day and I fight for that every day. As I prepare breakfast, I think about how much suffering a person can endure and how far I have come. The scars and the memories remain, but they also make me strong. I will continue to fight for my children in the hope that they will never have to experience the same pain that I did.

I have met many other women in recent years who have been abused by their husbands. We meet regularly and talk about all the bad things we have experienced. It really helps us to process the trauma and support each other. Because that's the only thing we can do: Help each other!